I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
