Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize