You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
