Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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