You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
These tits shall not be calmed
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