your parents love me but you hate me
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
