i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
