your parents love me but you hate me
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
