Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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