I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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