yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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