I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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