Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
