I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
