I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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