Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
