Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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