they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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