I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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