wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
