maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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