I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
