Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
