Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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