Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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