Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
