He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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