eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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