Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
