She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
