direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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