please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
