I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
