I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
