its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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