I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
