Moan for me like Helen Keller
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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