I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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