my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
