yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
