I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
