Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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