When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
