I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
