shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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