Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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