cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
