and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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