remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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