Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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