I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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