i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
