Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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