we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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