I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
