WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
