We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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