True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
