Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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