I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
where does the pee come out of this thing
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
