Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize