Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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