Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize