I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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