I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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