He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
