just tell him i said nine months
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
