my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i used baking grease as lip gloss
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
