my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
