Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
