Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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