Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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