Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
