FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
