I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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