I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
