Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
porn star boner night. come get it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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