i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
