I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
