so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
