Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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