can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
